I will not be a victim. Not anymore.
I am strong and I will get through this. I am done cutting, bargaining and self blaming. I will not cry (more than needed) or spend hours thinking of how I could have changed things. I feel like I was punched in the stomach, like there is a sickness inside of me that is begging to get out. I could purge and destroy my body but I won’t.
Shock: I don’t understand, what are you saying.
Denial: No, this can’t be real. It’s just a fight.
Anger: How could you do this to me? After everything!
Bargaining: Please, I’ll change, I’ll be better.
Guilt: This is my fault.. I’m so stupid
Depression: I just feel so alone.
I’ve never fully recovered from grief; I don’t like to accept bad things. I feel like in doing that I’m losing. I will not accept the bad in my life, I can’t. And maybe that’s why I feel so alone. I guess I’ll have to accept everything eventually but not today. I want to keep trying to fix everything and I guess that’s the first step I’ll have to take to recover and be strong again…
So today I’m starting my steps, my vows to myself to be healthy again.
Don’t give up.